Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
