Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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