Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
