oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
