I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
