so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
