I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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