I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
