You just made me feel so damn special
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
last night I used snow as a chaser
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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