no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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