You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
