i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
