Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
