Got a toothbrush?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
