Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
sex in a hospital.. check
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
