I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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