Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
