I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
