The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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