If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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