I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
