That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
