i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
