So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
