I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
