Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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