Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
