I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
