The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
