I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
