does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
