upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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