is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
