maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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