Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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