sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
