now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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