One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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