I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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