Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
