I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
how drunk are you?
Several
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
