eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
