Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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