omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
