is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
