i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
