ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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