Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
