in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
