I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
