So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
