i permit you to call me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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