Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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