I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
