there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
