if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
