I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
