Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
